I'M A FAN

The man I want to be with
The woman I am obsessed with
My boyfriend

This is how our female narrator refers to the relationships in her life throughout this funny, dark and brutally honest wild card choice for February.

‘I’m a Fan’ by Sheena Patel is a brilliant stream of filterless writing about a young woman struggling with her obsession with a man she can’t have because he only wants her on his own terms and a woman who is also sleeping with the same man.

“I stare across Brockwell Park. I am on home turf, kissing a man who isn’t my boyfriend who I wish was my boyfriend and he is wishing he was kissing someone else who he doesn’t want to make his girlfriend.”

Written in the first person, the writing has a unique spirit – our young narrator is funny, deceitful, obsessive, desperate but trying to be cool – all the things we have experienced at one time in our lives when obsession for a person causes you to react out of character and take ridiculous risks. She is also a victim.

We never find out exactly what "the man I want to be with" does, except that he inhabits the art world and within his industry he is cool and famous. We also never find out what the narrator does, except she is a freelancer and seems to be very capable at her job. We discover even less about her boyfriend who is the most stable person in her life. However, she trolls the woman she is "obsessed with,” scrolling through her Instagram, refreshing her page fifteen times a minute and stalking her every move. She is consumed by the posts of expensive art and privileged lifestyle.

When one of the relationships in her life comes to an end, so does the writing – stopping the narrative abruptly which is disconcerting for the reader! The writing inevitably touches on some of the comparisons and frustration of being a woman (vs men). More interestingly, it looks at status and why people in certain professions and backgrounds think they have more status than others. It also looks at the effects of online presence, when ‘the woman I am obsessed with’ takes a break from social media our narrator is adrift and panicked. Many of the chapter headings are memes inviting the reader for their reaction.

This read is more likely to appeal to millennials and gen-zers but it also provides a brilliant opportunity to appreciate the protagonist's story as well as recognise her feelings and how she might be blinded by “love” for someone totally unobtainable.

Sheena Patel’s writing is simmering with emotion – the author says her character’s voice is deliberately unapologetic with no filter and that she writes in “in a dream like state”. Patel also writes for TV and Film and you can see ‘I’m a Fan” being adapted for TV.

Published by Rough Trade Books who describe themselves as a publishing venture in the mould of the pioneering independent record label – aiming to bring the same radical spirit to the world of books – this book certainly has a fresh and vibrant feel. If you want to wait for the paperback, it arrives on 2 March.